Sometimes my internal conversation takes a weird turn, and I end up with either an affirmation, a question or a question AND an affirmation in constant repetition in my head, not knowing the context from which it/those where generated.
In the last few month, there is this annoying sequence with what appears to be two voices, the first one asking
–Why are you doing this?
And the other one answering
–Because I can.
Now, usually these internal monologues don’t bother me that much, since they usually are answers to previous events. The problem with this one is what its entailing.
The question “why are you doing this” seems to be from a second party, which means I’m doing something that is not entirely correct AND displeases whoever that voice represents.
The answer “because I can” means I’m doing it because I want to DESPITE knowing is wrong in some level.
Since most of this internal monologues are just a subconscious response to actual event in my life, I can´t help but wonder, what am I doing? Why exactly am I doing it? Why does it bother the other party so much? And, most of all, WHO is that second party?
(sigh) I wish I could scape this as many people do with music, drugs, or entertainment, but for a fortunate mishap, I just don’t find those escapes viable or morally correct.